Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Becoming a Woman of Worth | The Singleness Adventure

Huge thanks to a certain reader named Ashley Rose who left me a super-sized comment on the introduction to this series, because she totally sparked the idea for this post in my little head! :)

Have you stopped to think, in between adding more things to your "Future Husband's Must-Have Qualities" list... that perhaps there is work to do on YOU? That it isn't all on the guy's shoulders to make himself ready for your marriage, preparing and improving himself?

*Nods* I'm sure you have. I have too. But all the grand intentions of the world come to naught if they're not followed up by actions.

For example, let's talk about becoming a woman of worth.

(absolutely no mention of that woman in that certain 31st chapter of a certain book in the holy scriptures will be contained herein this blog post. Ya'll have read that over and over again. We know, already. ;) I'll try to keep this fresh!)

When I think of a woman of worth, the person who instantly springs to my mind is my mom. She has incredibly desirable qualities and it's no small wonder my dad was instantly drawn to her like a moth to a candle flame. For one thing, when they met she was a slim beauty with a mass of golden hair and a dazzling smile.

But the real catch was her character. This lady is a go-to gal. She will GET THINGS DONE. Her attention to detail, organizational skills, born teaching talent, and selfless servant's heart are huge benefits in a helpmeet. She's also an inventive entrepreneur! Time and time again she has made our household flourish because of these many gifts.

If I can be half the awesome wife my mom has been over the years, I'll be doing well! No pressure, right?! ;)

Me, on the other hand - I still have work to do, although in all fairness I've been attempting my whole life to learn and do things that will benefit my present and future family. Just the other day my dad was enthusiastically saying "Mmmm!" over a meal I'd cooked (Lemon-Rosemary slow-roasted crockpot chicken) and told me the fellow I marry will be a blessed one. May those words be true!

I'm glad to be able to know how to plan a menu, cook delicious and healthy meals, clean + organize a house (We've got Dutch ancestry, so cleanliness is highly valued) and I can tackle any load of laundry with confidence that I won't cause something to bleed or shrink. All of these skills are things my own mom learned after she was in college. (Therefore, I have hope) ;)

But is there more? Oh yes! I am grateful for many talents that I've pursued with equal energy. Graphic design, photography, writing, jewelry-making (for profit) and several other hobbies have all had the nice side effect of giving me skills I can use in the future.

But no, I haven't really thrown myself full-steam into learning as much as I can while I'm still free and single. But I am now. 

These are some things I'm working towards.

  • Treat my body like a temple (Stay hydrated, active, eating well, and getting better sleep)
  • Draw closer to my Lord (earnestly seeking wisdom through daily morning quiet time)
  • Be a Christlike, uncomplaining servant at every possible opportunity
  • Earn more money to save for my future (and save more than I spend!)...
  • Start a wedding fund for someday
  • Make my writing career flourish, publish more novels
  • Blog regularly again (check!) 
  • Get into more graphic design projects
  • Run a successful Etsy shop for my jewelry (coming soon!) 
  • Take self-defense classes and get a concealed carry permit
  • Take regular voice lessons from my mom (instead of sporadic coaching)
  • Take photoshop lessons from my brother (Using photoshop is a valuable life skill!) 
  • Dance again
  • Crochet things to donate to worthy causes
  • Branch out, be social, make new friends

Be doing. Be learning! Don't be like me and excel in procrastination until you're of the age of 24! :D

I do have a small word of encouragement in the opposite direction. (Balance is everything!) NOBODY IS WONDER-WOMAN. (Except my mom. But she's the only exception.) You will not be able to learn 100% of all the great wifely skills out there by the time you get married. Unless you put it off to, oh, about age 75! But do this - give it your best shot!

Pray about what the Lord would have you learn to best assist YOUR future husband in your delightful future together. Not every man is going to need a woman who knows how to fix the plumbing, but maybe yours will find that a very beneficial skill for some reason we don't know now. (I do advise learning how to cook, though. I have two grown brothers and one father and they all very much enjoy their meals).

Get out there. DO things. Meet people. Forge new friendships. Share with the body of Christ, and be edified likewise by their heart-stories.

 But all that great work of polishing up your resume and everything on the outside PALES in comparison to the job of refining your character.

 To anyone who has read or seen Pride & Prejudice (the real version with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle) that ^ is a powerful kick in the gut. We do not want to be a Lydia, laughing and snorting and cavorting with any red-coated Officer that casts her half a glance. We want to be the witty, principled, courageous Lizzie Bennet, who captivated Mr. Darcy, a man of estimable judgment and high character.

I don't know about you, but I want to be a prize worth winning!

Saw this on Pinterest and had to share it. It's so true. Great guys are looking for girls who have hearts of gold and are doing wonderful things. 

Also, girlies, I have a Pinterest Board dedicated to the topic of "Becoming" - everything inspiring in any way that molds me into a better version of myself. I thought some of you would enjoy perusing it! Find it here. :D

I hope this post encouraged and challenged you today. I tried not to "slap you upside the head" with the thoughts I was attempting to share. But I know for sure I needed a little fire lit under me, so here I come with my matchbox to help my fellow fair maidens! :D

Now - get thee to the comment box and fire away! Is there a particular point of The Singleness Adventure you are curious about/struggle with/want my perspective on? What are some new goals you'll be working on?


  1. Thanks for this post Julia! It was a good nudge for me to stop procrastinating (even if I am not looking to get married). I think many single girls often get so caught up in wanting to be married that they actually miss some of the most opportunity filled times of their life. A time when they don't have to worry about pleasing their husbands but can work whole heartedly for God.

    1 Corinthians 7:34 says: An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.

    Those of us who are single right now are not failures because we have yet to find the right guy. Instead we are blessed. We have a chance to do much for the Lord without distraction. So thanks for the reminder that this is not a time to be lazy but rather a good chance to better ourselves for the glory of Christ...and perhaps for the benefit of a future husband. :)

    And by the way, if that P&P comment is correct, l will never find a Darcy. :D

    1. Hi Lydia! Oh dear goodness! Perhaps I should revise the post to say "Don't be a Lydia BENNET"... :D I actually think Lydia is a lovely name, much prettier than "Lizzie" - that is too funny. :D Perhaps you may never find a 'Darcy' but maybe the Lord has a gentle Mr. Knightley or friendly Mr. Bingley in your future instead! ;)

      That is a wonderful scripture reference, goes right along with the post! Thanks so much for sharing and reminding me of it. <3

  2. Aww so humbled by the mention but also even more humbled that my thoughts had an impact on you! Girl, that list is rad! So many good things you know you need to get done! Good luck. :)
    I hadn't seen that quote by Lauren DeMoss before. It makes so much sense, treasures are discovered. That's what makes it a treasure! They don't do the hunting. It all ties back into being worthy- like a treasure to be discovered.
    To sort of answer your challenge at the end I think one big regret that I had while being single was not setting a lot of goals at regular intervals. My first goals were modest, kind of vague, and easily attainable, like, read more books, bake 3 things this month. After that it was like "I'm not interested in anything else, what do I do?" hahaha. I just thought that since nothing new was happening, God was holding me in a wait and see mode. But I got the opportunity to try life coaching certification classes, almost didn't go, but did, and learned that the best way to set goals is to start at the END, think big, challenge yourself every month/or week and begin building goals now to the end. It changed my thinking. I knew what I wanted to become but was SO FAR from it. And I learned that God doesn't want his people to "wait" without being productive and bearing some kind of fruit, even if it's unseen character or more devotion to him. So I started making goals! "By the end of this (time period), I want to be able to xyz." "By the end of this time, I want $x,xxx in the bank." "By the time I am engaged, I want to be xyz." Suddenly I had all sorts of ideas. I did'nt have to wait for God to bring things to me to do, God had already given me tools and opportunities I wasn't taking or making use of (re: limiting myself to my comfort zone). I realized just how much of a gap there was between my ideal me and what I was actually doing! By the grace of God I've come a long way, but it has been a struggle at times.
    Well it's my lunch break so off to lunch! Thanks for sharing your heart Julia, praying for you as you grow in grace!
    Ashley R.

    1. Hi Ashley!

      You leave such awesome comments! :) So glad to see you back again! I'm honored that you like my 'rad' list! ;)
      Oooh, I like it. We should be specific in our goal-setting - right on! "Dream Big" in other words. After all, nothing is impossible with God on our side, why shouldn't we step out and just GO for it, without being afraid or setting small limits on what we might be able to accomplish?

      I also love the concept of setting long-term and short-term goals - I actually have pages in my notebook with those terms as titles with lots of stuff scribbled underneath! :)

      Thanks so much for sharing YOUR thoughts, Ashley, I so appreciate you taking the time to do so! <3 And bless you for those prayers! :D


  3. Julia!
    I have been meaning to comment for some time, but just now got to it. I am so glad to see you back and blogging! I had been following your blog for years and was so sad when you disappeared. Now I'm glad your back and blogging.

    Which brings me to my second point. I HAVE BEEN LOVING YOUR POSTS! They are so amazing and thought-provoking. The singleness ones are so beautiful. I think when we hit our 20's, we tend to develop a mindset that something must be wrong with us and we're never going to be married. We need to remember that we're still very young and there's plenty of time. And we need to make the most of what we're doing NOW. Your words were perfect. And I know many people who weren't married until almost 30 - they're perfectly happy now. :)

    Can't wait to read more! Thanks for coming back to bloggerville! :)

    P.S. Do you know what happened to McKenzie's blog? I can't seem to find it.

    1. Elizabeth!
      It was such a blessing to hear from you! And I'm so glad to hear that you've been loving the singleness posts. :D I will keep them coming! :D

      Bloggerville! I love it! :D So good to be back 'in town'! :)

      Yes, McKenzie now blogs at - and I think now that she's moved she'll be posting more regularly! :)


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