Wednesday, June 10, 2015

But - What If I NEVER Get MARRIED?!? | The Singleness Adventure

Deep breaths, girlfriend, deep breaths.

I understand the feeling of raw panic and despair that may tear at your innards when  you have that thought, of not getting married - the dread that you may be left to wither, a wallflower whose bloom has faded. But you know what? That's not gonna happen. You will only shrivel up, a crisp dry dead thing, if you become a bitter old maid.

There. Problem solved. :)

You know what you can be instead? Right now? A vibrant, beautiful princess, serving her people. Or a dynamic, determined secret agent, delivering the information of the gospel. Or anything! Pretend this is one of those role-playing games and create your own character! :) You can be anyone you want to be.

Honestly, the thought of not getting married used to terrify me. Right up until last month. Until God got ahold of me and I had a heart-change. I let go. He took that fear away and whispered "Daughter - I am enough."

And he is.

Matthew 28:20 - "I am with you always, even unto the end of the age." 
James 4:8 - "Draw near to God and he will draw near to you." 
Isaiah 26:3-4 "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusts in thee. Trust in the Lord forever, for in the Lord, is everlasting strength." 

It took me a long, hard walk to get to this point. I went through difficult times and learned painful lessons. It wasn't easy. Kind of like my hike up Yonah Mountain. But now... the view is incredible. :D

I realize how tough it is to be honest about this point. Of not being afraid to let God have complete control in how things play out. Of not getting married when YOU think you should get married. And I always knew I should be okay with the thought of staying single if that was what God had for me.

But I wasn't. OH no. I am an extreme case. :D I have wanted to get married and have a family since I was fifteen. I remember lying on my bed, sobbing my heart out, because I wasn't married yet and it would probably be five long years until I turned 20 and could FINALLY get married.

Imagine what my reaction would have been if I could have looked into a portal and seen that I would still be single at 24!!

Can you guess why I wanted to be married so bad? Because then I'd have a husband. Husbands were perfect, magical beings who brought home money and showered you with hugs and kisses and gave you sweet babies and met your every need and never failed you once. (any married ladies out there, laughing yet?)

Husbands are hard work! They leave piles of laundry to take care of! They eat all the time and want dinner every single night! ;) Yes, they can be awesome, but they all have flaws, and are NOT perfect!

A husband is not Jesus. A husband will NOT be able to meet your every need. ONLY GOD CAN. And he needs to be your everything now before you are married, or you will be disappointed and depressed instead of living your happily ever after.

Almost two years ago now, I almost got married to the wrong man. I shudder to look back at that brief experience, but it's always accompanied by a prayer of thankfulness to the God who brought me through with as little pain as possible and taught me a valuable lesson through it.

Marrying the wrong man and being miserable would have been ten thousand times worse than staying single and living a happy, busy, productive, creative life!

Marriage is meant to be a comfort while we walk this earth. But it actually isn't for forever. (I never liked this thought either.) Men and women are created to help each other in an equal partnership of matrimony through the difficulties of this life.

I was reading this verse this morning:

Matthew 22: 30
"For in the resurrection, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as angels of God in heaven."

In heaven, marriage doesn't matter anymore, because we are all with God. Can you imagine looking right at God? Being in heaven? I can't wrap my mind around it. But it will be so.

We desire marriage so much because we were created to do it. Get married. Be helpmeets. Bear children. But you know what? I serve a God who does miracles. Anything is possible with Him.

We are created to eat, too, right? (Honey, I know I am.) God has miraculously sustained people who are fasting and praying, time and time again. In the same manner, he will supply your need for love and companionship. In Himself, firstly. And if you stoop dabbing your tearful eyes with tissues and look around - in many other people who love you as well. Your family. Loved ones. Friends, even!

But what if you're thinking "I STILL WANT TO GET MARRIED!"

ME TOO. :)

But if I never get married, that's okay. Because I have a God who is more to me than an earthly husband ever could be, and that will never, ever change, throughout eternity, when we're in his glorious presence.

Thank you for being patient and reading this gigantic post! I hope it was helpful or encouraging. And feel free to share with your other single friends. :)

And if you want a laugh, go read this charming post by Amy Dashwood. TRY not to laugh at that girl's humorous wit! You will not succeed! ;)

While on the topic of marriage, I would also like to take the opportunity to wish my parents a very happy anniversary! 
They have now been married for 26 years!

And they're such cuties. So blessed to have them in my life. :)

Love & Hugs,


  1. I love your tone in this post Julia! This had me laughing--I have a feeling I'd be helpless on the post you said would have me laughing. I'm afraid I was created to eat too...

    I know I am, can be, and would be happy by myself should I choose to remain single. I've learned to get along with myself, but I do hope to find a good, semi-compatible man at some point. My papa didn't marry till he was 36, and he says it's a good thing to marry later in life: if you make a good choice you will be incredibly happy because you've been looking for so long, and if you make a bad choice, you won't have to live in an unhappy marriage for as long. Ahh...I'm not sure I was supposed to quote him on that ;) But thankfully he and my mother made a good choice!

    1. Thanks, Bethany! Haha - learning to get along with oneself is a good thing to learn. You can't really run away from you. :D

      Your dad is correct though, there are huge benefits to waiting to get married until it's the right (God's) time for you to get married. There's a level of maturity, responsibility, and financial feasibility that needs to be met! :)

  2. That was a very good blog! I have felt the same way for a long time now. :)
    Good on ya for being honest!

    1. High-five, Ruth Anne! :) And thank you. It's a freeing feeling to open up and share what is on one's heart, especially when I get all these positive responses! <3

  3. I am so happy to see you posting again, Julia! And I'm even happier to read your lovely posts.

    I totally love your Singlness Adventure posts, so inspiring. So many of us (myself included) think at times that being single is so awful when really that isn't the case. Singleness *is* an adventure that God intended us to enjoy, not resent.

    This year I feel like God has given me a theme for my life which is Joy In The Journey, whatever journey I am living at the the moment. And I think singleness is one of those journeys--or as you put it--adventure.

    I must say you have inspired me and I might just write my own Singleness Adventure post soon.

    Thanks for all the encouraging posts, it really is good to hear from you again. Congratualtions to your parents!


    1. Princess! You're back! :) I'm glad you're enjoying my posts, feels so good to be blogging again! I'd love to read a Singleness Adventure post by you! Let me know when you write it! :D

      Thanks! I will pass your congratulations on to them. :)

  4. Thank you SO MUCH for this post!! I am coming up on my 24th birthday, and yes, there are days when I wrestle with the fear that I may never marry. I never thought that I would still be single at this time in my life. I had always envisioned a home, husband, and maybe a child or two. But, with much prayer and my mom's always ready encouragement, I am learning to trust GOD with my future.

    I look forward to reading more Singleness Adventure posts :)

    1. You are SO welcome, Katelyn dear. I'm thrilled that it encouraged you - and it sounds like we're very much in the same boat! :) Good thing we both have a God who speaks to the waves, and they listen and still. :D

      Oh good! Because I look forward to writing them! Got some more scheduled, in fact! :D

  5. My mom would say "it's better to want what you don't have then to have what you don't want," and it's so true! I shudder to think how many girls are desperate for a husband so they take the first one who comes along and then are miserable the rest of their lives.

    For me, I kind of did the opposite thing when I was around 16. I decided that having a husband maybe wasn't such a good idea and that I would be perfectly happy staying single. The one thing I worried about was not having a special connection with somebody, although I doubted there was a man alive who would be my "soul mate"-- and then God showed me that friendship could be a deeper relationship than I ever knew! Never underestimate it.

    So basically... somebody would have to be really special for me to WANT to change my single status. ;) Otherwise, not worth it for me. Hahahaha.

    1. A very true saying from your mom, Melody! Being desperate is a dangerous state of mind. We do things we never would otherwise. :P

      I have the same motto. Somebody has to be REALLY special if he wants to take me away from the life I'm living right now, because it's wonderful. :D The great thing is that I know God only wants the best for me, so if I listen to him and follow his plans, everything's going to turn out amazingly. :)

    2. Ha, I'm wishing yet again that blogger had an edit button! I meant it's better to want what you don't have THAN to have what you don't want. (I was in a hurry and my mind was playing tricks on me. ;))


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