Picture this: I'm sitting in our living room, which is alive with the presence of some good friends of ours. We've just had a Bible study taught by my dad, and now we're taking prayer requests and praying for them. And then I get this thought - I need to ask for prayer for my Future Husband. Ooh. Things just got real. I'm a really outgoing, bubbly person, but in certain areas I prefer to keep things to myself. I actually got trembly as I waited for my turn to talk.
So then the moment comes, and when I speak, it's a croaky whisper.
Oh dear. The trembling hasn't stopped, either. The good people around me could sense my emotions just under the surface. And here I'm thinking Where in the world is this coming from? One minute I was just fine and the next I'm all teary-eyed.
God was softening my heart.
Some of the ladies started asking me questions and it took an unexpected turn - suddenly we were talking about me. Not my future husband. ME. My plans. (Nebulous and vague at best) My goals. (Umm, what goals?) My ambitions. (Ha. Nonexistent.)
Something became painfully clear. Something I didn't want to look straight at and see, but when the spotlight shone on it, there was no avoiding it. I have nothing that I'm working towards.
So the men adjourned to the porch, where they prayed over another topic that had come up, and the ladies and I stayed in the living room and formed a tight little circle and prayed... for me. And something finally cracked through my walls and set my heart aglow. Or rather, someone.
As we prayed, and after we prayed, all these wonderful, astonishing, why-didn't-I-think-of-this-sooner ideas exploded around me. The women had some great suggestions - and I believe they were hearing from God and sharing it with me. Things were dropping straight into my mind as well. It's hard to describe exactly what it was like, but the closest thing I can compare it to is a dried-out little sponge getting sprinkled, splashed, and then doused with water until it swells full to bursting, fresh again and dripping.
Then, the opportunity opened up for me to visit McKenzie for a week! It was exactly what I needed. A chance to get away from it all for a little bit, clear my head, climb mountains, breathe the fresh woodsy air, swim in their pool, laugh - and learn. I was opened up so God could pour new inspiration and encouragement into my spirit.
Want to hear from God? Go stand on a mountain and listen. :)
Oh. And while I'm sitting at McKenzie's kitchen table, she just happens to mention this book - Preparing to be a Helpmeet - which I, on a whim, began to read that night. HOLY COW. Mind. blown.
I've heard this stuff for years, darlings. All my life. "You need to be a woman of God if you expect to marry a man of Godly character", yada-yada-yada-blah-blah-blah..... but this time it was like...
It wasn't so much the words, it was that they came at exactly the right moment. I was so full of zest to get started on applying everything I was learning anew, that the night I got home I grabbed a brand-new blank notebook that a sweet girlfriend had given me for my birthday and scribbled in it for upwards of two hours.
I'm on fire. I can hardly sit still. There's SO MUCH I want to do with my life now - my focus has changed entirely from what it used to be, which was along the lines of:
"Sigh, I, the princess, will try my best to be content and wait here, quietly, in my tall tower,
until my prince arrives on his white horse,
and I can finally decorate my own castle and have beautiful royal babies".
Now, I feel like I'm a secret agent and I've been handed a mission. To reach my objective, I've got to go out and get some things done! It's extremely important that I train myself accordingly - learn all I can learn, be all I can be. Time is short! This season is only a brief interlude of freedom, in which I can do these things without the added burden of a husband and family to care for.
I have to use it wisely.
Not only do I want to learn everything I should know, and do great and wonderful things and finish cool, amazing projects - I desire to cultivate a heart that is so sweet, so tender, so giving and so thankful, that it sparkles in a beautiful example of Christlikeness. Grow a character that is pure, righteous, and faithful - until I am the woman my man needs.
Rome wasn't built in a day, folks. If I want to be all that, I'd better get a move on!
When that man comes along (white horse or not) I'm hoping he'll find a prize worth winning - a queen, who has benefited the lives of so many others within her circle of influence, highly skilled and fit for a king, to reign in splendor by his side - but is the picture of Christ, and the first to get her hands dirty and leap to someone's aid if she is needed.
I could go on, but I'll save the rest for another time - I think this is the first in a series of adventures in Singleness that need to be shared! :) Hope you enjoy following along!
Love & Hugs,